*verdad

Gumising ako sa sinag ng araw
Nilinis ko ng tubig ang aking mukha
at tumitig sa salamin, nasilayan ay ikaw
Kahapo'y hawak mo ang kanyang larawang
pag-ibig mo ang lumikha...

Hinangin ng pagaspas ng pakpak ng paru-paro
Ang isang libo't isang kulay sa larawang
Binubuhay ng dalawang damdaming naglalaro
Ngunit ang hawak mo'y mahigpit
at ang titig mo'y kanya lamang...

Di mawari ang iyong labis na pighati
Sa bawat sulyap, sa bawat haplos, sa imaheng
hindi naman kumikilos...
Subalit sa bawat luhang pumapatak,
Ang paru-paro'y lalong pumapagaspas
sa likod mo'y may nagmamahal, ang pahiwatig...

Umiimbay ang aking kamalayan sa iyong
pagbabalik
Na tila ba'y ang aking puso'y kinikiliti
At ang aking labi'y hinihimlayan ng iyong halik
Pantasya man, kung kahapo'y iisipin
batid kong sa alaala, ang lubos na
pag-ibig ay nagwawagi...

Ang mga luha'y inihipan ng makukulay na pakpak
Sabay tumulo ang huli sa larawang
lumuwag na ang iyong hawak...
Sa paghaplos ng huling luha sa haba ng larawan,
Uminog muli ang mundong iyong kinagisnan...

Ang paru-paro'y patuloy na pumagaspas,
At sabay sa iyong pagyurak sa larawang nilimot
Ay ang pagbitiw sa alaala sa litratong kumupas
Sa wakas, ay binaling sa aking mga mata
ang iyong tingin ng walang pag-iimbot...

Lumipad ang paru-paro at dumapo sa
isang bagong kaban ng kayamanan
Dito'y unti-unting umusbong nag bagong umaga
Kung saan ang alaala'y hindi lamang
maitatatak sa larawan
Kundi sa bawat pahina ng ating buhay
na ikinukuwento ng bawat pagbagtas
ng aking pluma...

Ang tubig ay muling bumuhos mula sa gripo
At binanlawan ang mukhang nadungisan ng kahapon
Ngunit ngayong umaagos ang mga katagang
mahal kita mula sayong puso
Hindi ko na maalala na ang larawang
iyon ay may puwang pala noon...

Muli, ako'y humarap sa salamin
Ngayo'y nasilayan ang sariling imahe at ang iyo
Habang binabaybay ng ngiti ang ating mga labi
Ang kamay mo'y di na dumiit sa litrato
kundi sa kamay ko...
At sa ating pag-isa ay ginagabayan tayo
sa paglipad ng mga paru-parong
makapangyarihan kahit munti...

Z|E|R|E|P|O|R|T|H|E|J™
06.21.10

Perez, Jethro C.
2009-57080


Who am I? I want to be a published writer. I want to be a photographer. I want to be a painter. I want to be a theater actor. I want to be a singer. I want to be a precision gun shooter. I want to be a news anchor. I want to be the perfect guy for the one I love.

If our hopes and dreams were to be the criteria of defining and ascertaining who we really are, I could have been multi-personified by now. Much to my dismay, the latter statement is nothing but just another burning dream, another mighty hope.

Delving into the profundity of self-definition would take deep introspection so I might as well dig into my biological data foremost.

Jethro was the name picked out for me by my father, a gunsmith who got my name from a shop that sells guns, gun parts and hunting goods. He runs a custom gun shop, named OJP Precision Gun Shop, inside the walls of Malacanang Park. His soldier friends and personal friends like to call him Oralsky but his birth name is Oral Robert R. Perez. Personally, however, he likes to be called Kid because that’s what my mom calls him.

My mother, Dreamrose, stays at home to tend to the house and her orchid garden whose flowers still came from my late grandmother.

I am the third and youngest among three siblings. My eldest brother Joeseth Jan, having graduated from the University of the Philippines Diliman, now holds a commendable position in one of the nation’s most respected pharmaceutical companies. Jared Ken, the middle child, is currently a graduating student in the University of Santo Tomas.

The three of us grew up and learned about life in the modest city of Tabaco, just southwest of the Bicol region. Each morning, what greeted us was the perfect cone of Mayon and the bright blue sky that accompanies beneath it, chirping birds. I spent a childhood with genuine simplicity. Instead of expensive toy cars, we pulled behind us little wooden cars knotted with nylon ropes. My brothers and I used to trace tracks in our wide backyard and follow the trails like a maze. I remember making improvised tunnels on our beds using a wide blanket and an electric fan. My brother and I had so much fun going in and out of it just because it amused us.

One time, the three of us made an amateur movie starring my toys. We called our production, the triple ‘J’. I remember how I used to be so amazed that we made a movie with my toys playing our real-life roles. Kuya Jay-Jay, my eldest brother was the director, Kuya Ken was the set designer and I was the producer because I provided the toys. The memory of that day still makes me smile and feel euphoric until now.

As time went by, each brother went off to Manila for college education and the days became a little more vacant.

The question of education has been serious for me from the very beginning. In kindergarten and grade school, I coerced myself to always get high grades and ended up graduating as the valedictorian. In high school however, I seemed to have lost the drive, the enthusiasm. Maybe because, it was the first time I fell in love.

Being only twelve, chubby and expecting nothing from high school which I thought was an empty word that meant nothing than another four years of education, I fell in love. She had long curly locks of hair, and twinkly eyes that no little boy like me could resist. She had the voice of an angel and she smelled of winter, spring, summer and autumn put together. She was as exciting as the first snow crystal to touch the ground, as calm as the waters of spring, as colorful as the flowers of summer and as graceful as the falling leaves of autumn. It felt good to love but when it starts to get complicated, the pain sears as much as the love burns.

But that was not only what happened in high school. This is where I developed my interest in writing, public speaking and the performing arts. I won writing contests and performing arts competitions alongside debate contests. These things are what diverted my attention from academics.

Fortunately still, I was lucky enough to pass the UPCAT and now I am studying BehSci in UPM. Although it is in my plans to transfer to Diliman to fulfill my calling in the field of Broadcast Communications, I would never forget the roller coaster ride I embarked on in UPM.

It is here that I loved again, felt pain again, failed again, won again. And for these experiences, I am grateful as it made me even a little wiser.

Now, who am I really? I never believed that I was special, just that I can do special things. Maybe it is the extension of you that defines who you are. And what you do, what you feel is what extends you, not your favorite Starbucks drink, nor your daily allowance, not even your physical appearance. It is your inner self that makes you, you.

Yes, I do write. I write about what I feel, about love, life and its many nooks and crannies. I love how words entwine like thread in a cloth to form something grand. Yes, I do take pictures. Behind each one is a story, even vanity. I photograph people, the world. Yes, I have painted once and it felt like I was creating life. Yes, I do act onstage. It allows me not to play a superficial role but to momentarily become a person wholly different from who I am. Yes, I had been the radio news anchor for my school. I loved to speak and this I have no reason why. Yes, I pulled a trigger once and the adrenaline that rushes through my veins gives me an empowering feeling.

And yes, I have loved and have been loved. I have fallen out of love and have been left behind. But no, I cannot say that I am perfect because I am simply not. It is my goal, though I am not perfect, to do the perfect things for the one I love.

Lastly, I would like to say that life can never be defined. Everyday is an opportunity to discover something about yourself or even, a chance to totally transform. I would hate to defeat the purpose of this paper but the way ‘I’ think, it is inevitable. Who I am today may not be who I am tomorrow.

In the end all that has been said takes me back to the same question, who am I?

I would like to settle with, dreamer. I am a dreamer.

note: this was my paper for Psych 101 answering the question who am i.

November 26, 2009

Last night I dreamt of walking by the sea, and the sun was shining so brightly like never before... in the dream I was a young child still so small, probably five, walking alone through a stretch of rocky shores… when I looked back, though, I saw a crowd of people waving at me with big smiles on their faces… but sharper in my vision was the rocky shore, accentuated by big jagged rocks that sparkle as the waves of the sea pounded them… when I continued forward, my foot trampled on a loose seaweed… making me fall flat on the bed of rocks…

Next thing I knew I could only see blue and a tad bit of green… and taste salt… i was still immersed in the water… I slowly stood up, took a deep breath, removed the sand from my hair and suddenly felt a stinging pain on my right arm… when I took a look, I saw blood and lacerated skin… and I looked back again to ask for help from the crowd of people… but they were gone…

I looked at myself and realized I wasn’t a child anymore… I was a grown man twenty years older… in the distance now; I could see a dark cave that oddly seemed to welcome me… I walked and walked through the rocks with blood dripping from my arm, mixing with the crystal blue seawater… I observed how my blood would combine with the water and saw my feet bleeding as well... but I kept on walking towards the cave… when I entered the cave, it was pitch black… and I could see nothing at all…

I continued to walk until walking just seemed to have no sense anymore, yet the pain of my wounds got even more intense… I felt as if I was fading away, into the darkness… away from those happy people… away from that bright sun… into the pit of nothingness, of void, of pain… soon enough, I became one with the dark emptiness of the cave… and then I woke up.

I checked my phone… It was 6:42 am. I was late for my Psych 101 class again…

Z|E|R|E|P|O|R|T|H|E|J™
11.26.09

I looked on high beyond the clouds
That sashayed in the dreamy night.
A blinding flickering light was what I found
And a love for the star that shone so bright

She danced with grace in the evening skies
And glimmered close, to come in my reach
She captured my heart with a starlight smile
And her stardust lay on my love-filled cheeks

Let me not wake if this is a dream
Or if I depart from this wondrous slumber, I’ll make it real
For in my kingdom, love is a forever-flowing stream
And she is my star, my loving queen.

Z|E|R|E|P|O|R|T|H|E|J™
12.15.08